I was so excited to go wedding dress shopping.
I’d been married once before but in the height of my rebellion I wanted nothing to do with traditions of purity so I wore a skin tight gold gown that I found while casually strolling through Windsor on my own.
This was different.
When we got engaged, I had the expected excitement of finding “the dress”. I set up the appointment and since I lived out of the state I grew up in, I invited a few local friends.
One couldn’t make it, the other one on the day of was nowhere to be found and the third was far into her pregnancy but she still showed up. I’m so grateful🥹
I had just been “dumped” by the woman I’d considered closer than a sister, I was dealing with an emotionally abusive mother and had a few long distance friendships. So this day wasn’t exactly my ideal.
At the appointment I knew the second I put on the dress that it was mine. No question. And yet. I didn’t buy it.
We left. I sent pictures of it to a handful of people from my car in the parking lot.
My mom included. (Whom had volunteered to pay for it originally but never did). She never let me know even in the slightest that I looked lovely. (What girl doesn’t long for her mom to tell her she looks beautiful? Sigh)
I eagerly waited for those little dots in the gray bubble from the rest to appear and tell me what they thought. They all said it looked great. I still couldn’t shake the feeling of sadness.
I called my man, told him I found one I loved but that I was bummed because I didn’t have the typical entourage or experience.
He sent me back in there and happily paid for my dress himself.
I got the most perfect dress that felt like it was made just for me and I uncovered a new layer of sweet to my guy.
It would have been so silly for me to not follow through with marrying Sam all simply because that dress shopping day didn’t go like one would hope. Right?
Had I called off an entire wedding simply because people failed to show up for me in the way that I wanted and expected them to would’ve revealed more about my commitment to Sam than anything else.
Mary, Jesus’ mother comes to mind. She was just a teenager engaged to a man when the angel told her she’d be pregnant and carrying the future Messiah soon. In that culture especially, that was an extremely less than ideal situation for a young virgin girl- to be with child before her wedding.
Did she get to have the wedding she wanted?
Did she get to have her hair styled beautifully under her veil?
Did she get to be adorned with crowning jewels?
Did she get to choose her gorgeous garments for her wedding feast?
Did she have her mom walk alongside her when everyone must’ve whispered about what they probably thought was a shotgun wedding?
The Bible doesn’t give the details, but we can assume the answer is no.
What if when all those questions that quite likely ran through her mind while the angel was giving her this revelation she had decided not to go through with carrying Jesus in her womb? Silly right?
What about us?
Do we come in to our Christianity with an agenda?
One that says we’ll do it so long as it’s convenient for us?
Do we come into church service watching the clock making sure they don’t go past one hour?
Do we come into our quiet time ready to check off boxes instead of seeking God’s presence?
Have we made parameters for God to stay within?
Do we ever give the Holy Spirit room for spontaneity in our lives?
Are we willing to let our faith cost us something?
Maybe our discomfort, our resources, our energy, our time, our very lives?
What keeps us from drawing close?
What are we willing to go without or lose just for the sake of following God?
Will you follow Him even to the point of being uncomfortable or even troubled?
Or will you turn down all that God has for you in the name of pride?
What are we allowing to get in the way of our intimacy with God?
“Then Jesus said to his followers, “If any of you want to be my follower, you must stop thinking about yourself and what you want. You must be willing to carry the cross that is given to you for following me.” Matthew 16:24 ERV
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