You can’t tell by the smile on my face,
But this was one of the hardest days of my life.
Every now and then over the last few years, I’ve gotten messages from different people,
“I’m so happy to see you happy!”
I guess because even though I tried to conceal the heavier details of my life,
People could tell that before this current season of joy, I was walking through what felt like a wilderness.
But I don’t think it’s fair to share the “good times” without talking about the bad ones too.
Yes, God is good. He is good now in this beautiful season, but He was also good when He allowed much pain in my life, too.
August 26, 2018
This is the day I got baptized as a true Christian.
I had already given my life to God the year before but I wanted to make it public.
While I was getting ready for church,
My husband at the time walked into my room and announced to me that we we’re getting a divorce.
Nothing inside of me wanted that.
My chest physically hurt.
One translation calls divorce a “violent dismembering” and that day, I felt it gravely.
It felt like all I had to offer the Lord were the tiny, damaged and broken pieces that were left of my heart.
But even so,
I picked them up and held them in the palms of my hands and offered them to Him.
Even as I write this now, tears flow.
Not because I feel wronged, or any reason other than feeling like I had nothing of value to offer and yet, He thought otherwise.
He took me in with open arms.
All of my brokenness.
My pain, my grief.
And the little bit of faith I had left.
He took it all.
I can’t fully express to you how utterly and wonderfully foreign God’s love is.
I have seen His faithfulness and how He honors those who love Him back.
My heart isn’t shattered anymore. Its beating and more joyfully alive than ever. God is my Redeemer.
“ALL THINGS NEW”
Just a few days before I got baptized,
I highlighted this scripture without knowing that it’d have much to do with what was to come.
“Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him,
if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent,
then, free of fault, you will lift up your face; you will stand firm and without fear.
You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by.
Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning.
You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety.
You will lie down, with no one to make you afraid, and many will court your favor.”
Job 11:13-19 NIV
God’s love does not relent. This hope and this promise is extended to you too. 💛
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